Tuesday, March 17, 2009

"Kids Gone Wild"

Forget "Girls Gone Wild" -- I've got "Kids Gone Wild"!

Seriously -- where did my sweet, gentle, snugly boys go? And who are these crazy, wound up, full-speed-ahead kids?

I know that we are in the "Terrible Twos", but they have been so good the last three months, that I thought maybe we would just ... skip over that part of childhood. I will admit that at times I would watch other people's two year olds have tantrums, scream, cry, etc, and I thought to myself, "Wow -- my boys are nothing like that. I'm so lucky!"

Karma is now biting me in the butt.

Let's break down the new crazy antics of each of my formerly angelic children:

Hayden ... This boy runs circles around me -- literally. He just runs and runs and runs and runs in a ever increasing tight circle until he gets so dizzy he collapses on the floor. Then he will roll around on the floor while making elephant sounds until another boy walks within tackling reach. Whatever unfortunate boy was within arm's reach gets pulled down to the ground, and then sat on. Hayden will then start bouncing on the child's back until: (1) the child in question begins to cry; or (2) I pull him off said child in question. He will then try and "Say sowry!" to the offended child by hugging them with such force they both are knocked to the ground -- the accosting ends when Hayden gives kisses which are usually a 50-50 combination of snot and saliva.

Tanner ... He has found the solution to any problem -- throw something, anything. Preferably something that will mar and damage the hardwood floors. Upset about not getting to watch "Nemo!" -- throw a truck! Didn't get your way about having a cookie for lunch -- throw your milk sippy. Want the school bus to "Come back!" -- heave a pile of books off the shelf. If all else fails, Tanner will just beat his head against the floor ... until he realizes "That ouchie!" and the toy chest needs to be completely emptied and thrown across the living room floor.

Noel ... Wanting the most bang for his buck, Noel prefers to scare that heck out of me by threatening electrocution or a bone-breaking fall. Why damage the hardwood floors when you can really cause some damage and attack the big screen TV in the living room? When Noel doesn't get his way, he will run to the TV and begin to pound on it. I'm just waiting for his fist goes through it some day and he gets an electrical shock. Noel also has no fear of heights as he likes to stand up on things that he could easy fall from and break a couple bones -- the back of the couch and his dinner chair are the current favorites.

Yes, we do time out.

No, we don't spank.

Yes, we are doing 1-2-3 Magic.

No, none of them are working.

So what is this -- Full Moon ... Spring Fever ... Demon Possession?

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