Saturday, April 11, 2009

Faster Than a Speeding Bullet

Telling a perfectionist to be okay with imperfection is like telling an insomniac to just go to sleep.

It's not that easy.

I know that it is not necessarily a "good thing" to be a perfectionist. That's because when you are a perfectionist, you are never really trying to be the best, but instead you are really just highlighting the worst in yourself.

Yuck -- I feel dirty even writing that, but it's the truth. And I am a perfectionist.

It's interesting how I hold myself to a higher standard than I hold everyone else, especially when it comes to being a mother.

I am the first to tell people even in the face of defeat and failure, "You should be proud -- you did your best!"

Then I turn around and beat myself up for some grievous parenting error that I'm sure has cause irreversible harm to my children ...

... like letting my children hug goats while standing in a pile of barn animal doo-doo.

I don't think I'm alone in this, but why can't we as mothers believe that we are as good as we can be. That's it -- no excuses, no apologies. Just accept that we are good enough.

Yeah ... I don't buy it either. I wish I could, but I can't.

There are all kinds of books out there to try and help "fix" me to be less of a perfectionist. Most talk about learning to accept a different state of expectations.

I don't -- can't -- accept that. Why should I lower my expectations of myself?

My mom always told me that "I could do anything I put my mind to" ... and I have. Honestly, I can't think of one time in my life where if I have really made the effort to achieve something important, I haven't reached my goal.

A few years ago, I clipped an article about 'Alpha Moms' from a magazine I was reading a a doctor's office. They defined Alpha Moms as educated, tech-savvy, Type A moms with a common goal: mommy excellence. These moms are multi-taskers, kid-centric, hands-on and view motherhood as a job that can be mastered ... with diligent research, of course.

I think that's me. I kinda like the title "Alpha Mom". It's makes me sound like a superhero!

And it fits on a cape much easier than "As Good As I Can Be Mom".

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