Why Having Triplets Is Like Being at a Frat Party

• You sneak off to the bathroom knowing that as soon as you sit down, someone’s going to start banging on the door.

• Probably 80% of the stains on the furniture contain DNA.

• You’ve got someone in your face at 3:00 AM looking for a drink.

• There’s definitely going to be a fight.

• You’re not sure whether anything you’re doing is right, you just hope it won’t get arrested.

• There are crumpled-up underpants everywhere.

• If there’s something on the floor that looks like food, no matter what color it is, it will eventually be eaten.

• Never ever set your drink down and walk away. Someone is liable to slip some funny business in it.

• Everyone in the house uses five or more drinking cups per day because no one can remember where they left theirs.

• Someone, and if you’re lucking they won’t be in your bed, will drink too much and pee their pants.

• No matter how many times you swear that you are going to bed alone, you will inevitably wake up with one (or more) people in your bed and wonder “how the hell did this happen?”

• You end up eating standing up most of the time because someone always needs something.

• Someone made it to the toilet to go pee, but forgot or didn’t have time, to remove their pants first.

• Farting, burping and any other bodily noises are not only the norm, they are also sometimes the evening entertainment.

• Cereal and potato chips make a balanced meal.

• Running around in underwear, a weird hat and rain boots is not in anyway strange.

• Peeing off the porch or into the bushes is preferred to the toilet.

• Nothing makes a person more proud than showing off the big booger on their finger and nothing is funnier than wiping it on someone else.

• If it’s suddenly too quiet in the other room you know that something is up.

• Every time the doorbell rings, you say a silent prayer that everyone will remain mostly clothed for the next 30 seconds and/or have the sense to stay out of eyeshot of the person at the door.

• Someone happily exclaims “Boobies!” (sometimes while trying on someone else’s bra)

• There is a good chance someone is dialing a phone number they shouldn’t be dialing.

• When a boy runs into the room, waiving his underwear over his head, doing the penis dance, no one even looks up.

• You are subjected to the same story 20 times.

• Sometime in the middle of the night someone slurs, “I want my mommy.”

• The toilet is stopped up with too much toilet paper.

• You ask the two nearly naked boys what they are going and they say, “We’re having a naked underwear party.”

• For some reason there’s a half eaten stick of butter underneath the couch.

• All conversations happen as though one has forgotten the language.

• One of them will repeat everything you say … at an inappropriate moment.

• You don’t remember the last time you looked at your television set and saw something other than cartoons or video games.

• You constantly say things like “Please don’t lick my pants” and wonder why on earth you would EVER have to say that out loud.